You have one shot at the de-friend, for which you can thank ignorance.
After that, etiquette ensues and the practice comes down to basic common courtesy.
A friend of mine recently started posting about how his number of Facebook 'friends' had started dropping (one a day) over two days. It was probably a technical glitch, but it did recall a time in the not too distant past when a number of people were telling me I 'spammed' their newsfeed.
As is generally the way with me, at first I laugh, then I process (possibly obsess), so their comments stuck with me and I studied their core meaning from as many variant angles as possible. So in search of the root cause, I looked at my facebook usage and the disconnect became obvious.
My use of facebook has changed significantly this year both in time and purpose. Most notably, my time online engaging with the plethora of informations contained and indexed on the world wide web has increased to hours a day, rather than hours a week.
After that, etiquette ensues and the practice comes down to basic common courtesy.
A friend of mine recently started posting about how his number of Facebook 'friends' had started dropping (one a day) over two days. It was probably a technical glitch, but it did recall a time in the not too distant past when a number of people were telling me I 'spammed' their newsfeed.
As is generally the way with me, at first I laugh, then I process (possibly obsess), so their comments stuck with me and I studied their core meaning from as many variant angles as possible. So in search of the root cause, I looked at my facebook usage and the disconnect became obvious.
My use of facebook has changed significantly this year both in time and purpose. Most notably, my time online engaging with the plethora of informations contained and indexed on the world wide web has increased to hours a day, rather than hours a week.
Key learning #1: Tell people why you are here. This is especially important, if like me, you do access an inordinate amount of 'stuff' online and use your newsfeeds as a digital catalogue.
Really? Yes.
Why? When people don't understand your behaviour, they can deem it offensive and in consequence disconnect from your online community, so it makes sense to communicate your intended use of the space. Afterall, sometimes it's easy to forget that online 'friends' is a term interchangeable with 'followers' and 'fans'.
Personally, I consider access to my network a privilege. So being de-friended once, to my way of thinking, is excusable as stumbles in the online social sphere are to be expected - just as they are in person. However, a little word of warning: STOP and take the time to consider how a 'de-friend' could be interpreted.
Why? When people don't understand your behaviour, they can deem it offensive and in consequence disconnect from your online community, so it makes sense to communicate your intended use of the space. Afterall, sometimes it's easy to forget that online 'friends' is a term interchangeable with 'followers' and 'fans'.
Personally, I consider access to my network a privilege. So being de-friended once, to my way of thinking, is excusable as stumbles in the online social sphere are to be expected - just as they are in person. However, a little word of warning: STOP and take the time to consider how a 'de-friend' could be interpreted.
Imagine for a moment, the Australian Wallabies have just played the All Blacks in Hong Kong and you're an expat living in Hong Kong. Because of your high profile in Asian banking you are invited (along with a 100 other corporates) to the official after-match function with both teams. Now this is an exciting prospect for you, because not only do you as an individual get to indulge your great love of a game you used to play, quite well and actually speak to the top professionals doing what you tried but never could, you also have an invaluable opportunity to schmooze with like-minded individuals in a safe environment, free from prying media eyes - a so called private public space - if you will. You also have a potential client along for the ride who is suitably impressed just by having access to this world they consider is yours.
Now walk away from that potential client and go talk to someone else in the room.
You just defriended your potential lead. What effect do you think that will have on your business relationship?
Then imagine you are the potential client who just got de-friended. How does it feel? And more importantly, what do you think of that high profile banker? Do you want to nurture a relationship (business or otherwise) with them?
Now I've had people of all ages tell me they use de-friend as a way of cleaning out their inbox, managing their contacts and for getting rid of the 'deadwood'. Then you look at their profiles and you see they have over 1000 'friends'. Really? A thousand of your closest buddies. Wow, birthday celebrations would get expensive!
But seriously, I use this point to highlight the role of considered action in online social networking communities like facebook.com - especially as it increasingly seems to be converging with the stated business network for professionals - www.linkedin.com where deleting someone as a contact - usually results in a passive aggressive phone call 'wanting to catch up'.
So, whether you're a whet behind the ears graduate or a bonafide dinosaur of the corporate world, take the time to STOP and CONSIDER the social networking IMPLICATIONS of a CLICK.
If you think it's appropriate to use and abuse connections, then the de-friend is your tool of choice. Conversely, if you are being used or abused by a connection within your community, then you have the right to extricate yourself from that abuse.
I prefer to associate with like-minded, well-mannered individuals and groups so whether it is in work or in play for me, it is all about etiquette. So just like the ubiquitous global mass media space, community networks such as mine whether they exist on facebook, twitter and linkedin while increasingly convergent spaces, belonging to them remains a privilege not a right.
